Run 124
TALES FROM THE ROAMIN' EMPIRE

As a tribute to the Hua Hin Hash House Harriers' stand-in scribe and the wit, wisdom, sagacity, and erudition disseminated by him in recent weeks it has been decided that the whole world-wide Hash movement will be known henceforth as 'THE ROAMIN' EMPIRE'. This is in recognition of his obsession with Empire and as a sop to his Napoleon complex which controls his life to such an extent that he is currently living in exile on a barren rock in the ocean. This man is clearly a cherry short of the complete Empire biscuit so we must leave him to his empirical machinations and hope fervently that he is soon restored to us in a refreshed and revitalised condition.
In his absence the roamin' legions of H2H3 assembled in a well-Hashed area of the King's Project just off the Pranburi By-Pass on 7 June for Run No. 124. Hares of the day were Ballbanger and 69Forever and they did little to allay the trepidation of the impending victims, saying merely that the trail was paper and red ribbon but might be a bit indiscernible in places due to copious amounts of torrential rain having descended after the trail had been laid. Undeterred the Hashers set off at variable rates of knots led by Onefer, Golf Round, Mudman, Brambles Bill, Mystery Man and assorted other speed merchants while the Walkers followed on at a more staid and stately pace as befits persons of more stable intellect.
This area is a glorious patch of Hashing territory impinging as it does on the environs of the Mosque and in close proximity to the Dam Place itself. There is such a plethora of pathways that the Smart Alecs who tried to second guess the Hares usually found themselves backtracking to pick up paper again. Underfoot conditions were very accommodating - quite dry and with no rapacious plant life snapping at the lower limbs and threatening to upend the unwary. A parting of the ways saw the Walkers taking a less taxing trail while the Runners did what Runners have to do, with the exception of Hollow Legs who did what he has to do and took a short cut. So we progressed between multitudinous bodies of water until we saw the Promised Land and achieved the comparative safety of the beer truck. The trail must have been well laid because everyone arrived back within a reasonably narrow time frame with 69Forever running a scrupulous last in his capacity of sweeper
to ensure no Runners went astray. His Co-Hare, Ballbanger had no such qualms and made straight for the beer as quickly as possible, accustomed as he is to losing people, even Co-Hares, in this area. A sprightly Long Ron shook a mean leg on his return to the ranks of the Runners and finished a commendable way up a very distinguished field, which is more than can be said of my Derby selection at Epsom a few hours later.

Ballbanger and Miserable Dave You Candidate shared the circle and BlackButtocks and MDYC were welcomed back as returners. MDYC had been to Alnwick, an attractive Northumbrian market town which is home to Hogwarts
and it is rumoured he went to audition for the part of Harry Potter but got knocked back as he looked too young for the part and he could not whiz 'ard enough. Miss Snickers and Scotch Tape were welcomed back from Bonnie and Clyde Land and a veritable spectrum of other DownDowns allowed plentiful quantities of Leo to be quaffed. Hollow Legs informed us that Cha-Am Hashes will in future start at 4.30p.m. - i.e. assemble at 4.00p.m. and hit the trail at 4.30p.m. This is a health and safety precaution to avoid roamin' in the gloamin'.

With marked reluctance the circle was eventually closed and a cheerful cavalcade proceeded to the Krung Thep Bar and Restaurant in Cha-Am and the conviviality was continued for considerably longer.

A MIDSUMMER NIGHTS DRAM

H2H3 run 125

On a sultry Summer Solstice the mites of Hua Hin Hash House Harriers commingled cheerily on a site to the West of Hua Hin to participate in Run No. 125. The Hares, who were an hour or so away from full frontal vilification, provided minimal advice and maximum commiserations to the assembled zealots and sent them on their way. There was an early hiatus when the paper trail was not immediately apparent due to its dispersal by the unscheduled intervention of some strong stray gusts of wind from the edges of Typhoon Fengshen. Scotch Tape's gesticulations from afar persuaded the doubters to scramble up and down the piles of earth excavated from a fairly serious type channel, and eventually to plunge down into the depths of the channel and back up and out the other side to encounter the first checkpoint. The shortcutters wandering in from the woodland instead of grumbling up from the gulley, missed this checkpoint but were fortunate enough to be able to follow
the true route runners in the proper direction round the lake.

Leaving the lip of the lake the Hashers now disported themselves along a series of paths disrupted at one point by a truly Machiavellian checkpoint which stayed their progress only somewhat, before proceeding to the pineapple pastures where the Hounds of Hell lay in wait for Mudman. Fed up with being Flavour of the Month for the canine constituency Mudman gave up his pre-eminent position in the field to allow some of the others to negotiate a passage past these perilous puppies. All too soon the parting of the ways was arrived at and the Walkers were left to a less than arduous denouement while the Runners were right into a much more exercising engagement. A fairly straightforward trail led them to the Roman Ruins, so beloved of Ballbanger, and from that point into the bushy interior of Pedro's Patch where Butt Out had laid out a series of labyrinthine loops that kept the Runners out of mischief for a while. Indeed this trail was so tortuous that the
whole area may have to be renamed Butt Out's Byzantine Boulevard . However the intrepid Runners persevered through the semi-thick bush, along sandy, dried-up streambeds, and over rocky outcrops until they were able to cross over the main trail and head for home through much thinner bush and over a barely-babbling brook.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch so to speak,the Walkers and some notable shortcutting ex-Runners - Hollow Legs, Long Ron, Taipan, 69Forever, and the lustreless Slackbladder himself - were well into the wallop and wondering whether they could sweep it all before the first runner appeared.
Even the slower Walkers who are usually among the later arrivals were safely home and watered before the first runner in the form of the superfit Sparky appeared on the horizon. Soon thereafter the remainder of the survivors trooped in - Mudman, and then Cums First, Brambles Bill and Mystery Man and eventually Vernon and his casualty companion, Bloody Ballbanger. It was literally Bloody Ballbanger as he was covered in claret from having taken a stumble and a tumble along the trail but being a quick-witted sort of chap he had used his head to break his fall.

The ever-understanding and compassionate Slackbladder immediately DownDowned Ballbanger for keeping us all waiting and then led a Chorus of Disapproval, not to say malediction, of the Hares. After a few more miscellaneous DownDowns Slackbladder attempted to officiate at the christening of Sparky and Mother Chick's daughter into the Hash as Bright Spark. He did achieve this in the end after a couple of unsuccessful wet runs. Scotch Tape got DownDowned for the misdemeanour of getting married on this day 19 years ago and as an additional penance the Hashers followed him home to Miss Snickers' Lakeside Luncheonette for the OnOnOn. A great time was had by all and one or two did manage to enjoy a Midsummer Night's Dram.

Scotch Tape

Back